I would have watched that all day.  If I could have.  Unfortunately, Her Majesty's IT Gestapo, being the fun loving fanatical anti-YouTube zealots they are, would have frowned upon my attempts to bypass the firewall, while tossing about ugly words like "unauthorized bandwidth usage" and "not official government business" and "up to and including dismissal" and "you're fired"...so I, um, didn't.  But I would have!  Personally, I blame it on Ann Coulter (as I do most things, actually).

Predictably enough, opinions vary somewhat on the legality of A-Train's destruction of Danny Boy's higher brain functions (I'll leave that statement to you wonderful commenters.  Yep.  Just sitting there.  Right there).

On the one side, those brave souls who say it's clean and provide fine forensic investigations to back up their case.  On the other, mouthbreathing trolls who insist that A-Train's hit was a blatant elbow and therefore, he must be suspended FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN!!11!  Note to these last: If ever a sequence of words such as "Volchenkov is a [profane] a la Claude Lemieux, he plays dirty but when it's time defend himself he backs off" appears anywhere in your argument, you've obviously never watched a single Ottawa Senators game in your life.  In fact, it is quite possible that you are functionally retarded and should have all sharp objects removed from your immediate vicinity post haste, not only for your safety, but also for that of innocent passers by.

I find myself firmly in the third camp.  The main thrust of our particular argument reads thusly: "Who gives a shit if it was clean or cheap.  It's Dan Fucking Carcillo, for Christ sake."

Jump for the happy pants.

The Dizzying Highs:

But wait!  There's more!: Oh, we're not done with you yet Anton.  Not done by a long shot.  Not only do I completely absolve you on the Gagne hit (here's a hint, Simon.  If you're going to turn around without giving the onrushing player enough time to avoid the hit "from behind", you deserve to spend the next three days picking carbon fiber out of your rectum.  Just sayin.  Oh, and thanks for losing your shit), but in light of your goal mouth performance over the last two games, I'd also like to present you with this shiny trophy!

You had me at splat: I would ask the following favour of the next yob to knuckle punch "Fire Murray!" into the Ottawa Sun's various comment sections.  Please gaze upon the majestic debris field left by one Andy Sutton over the last three games.  Now ask Benoit Pouliot (twice) and the aforementioned ass pimple that is Daniel Carcillo (WHEE!!) whether he was worth a second round pick.  He MUST be re-signed, Bryan, no matter what you have to do to free up enough cap room.  The very thought of Nazeem Kadri and Phil Kessel running the Big Rig-A-Train-Sutton-Jared Cowen gauntlet excites me in unspeakable ways.

Now playing the role of The Competent Goalie...: I have no idea how he's doing it or how long it will last, but Brian Elliott must be given his due.  One hundred and twenty consecutive minutes of shut-out hockey at the most pressure packed point in the season deserves all of the accolades with which he is currently being showered.  We would all do well to remember this when the next, inevitable, four-goals-on-nine-shots bed shitting occurs.  The smart money is on Game 2 of the first round.

The Terrifying Lows:

I wonder how many Andy Suttons five million dollars would buy?: Fuck you Kovy.  I am completely and utterly done with you.  Seriously, I don't give a shit if you score 50 in the last eight games, because I know you'll just disappear again in the playoffs.  After all, that's when the big boys come to play, and Lord knows, you ain't one of them.  Get the hell off my team, you fucking floater.

And I won't even mention the other six: I have never, in my life, ever seen a seven minute power play given to any team, ever (number of "evers" to denote a certain incredulity tinged with frustrated sadness).  It took me the first four minutes just to make the math work in my own head, and I'm still not sure I got it right.  I eventually gave up the attempt in favour of wondering how on God's green earth, two posts notwithstanding, we don't score at least one with (and this bears repeating) a seven fucking minute man advantage.  I'm looking at you, Carvel.

Pithy Observation of Questionable Importance:

This video review brought to you by Abraham Zapruder: The only thing missing from the epic six minute, multiple angle war room review of A-Train's goal line scoop was a Kevin Costner voiceover narrating every one of SportsNet's eleventy thousand replays..."Back...and to the left".  And maybe Tommy Lee Jones ass raping Kevin Bacon while Joe Pesci snorts coke from the lapels of his Louis XIV costume.  That would have been cool too.  Then again, I may have watched that movie just once too often for my own good.

The Creamy Middle:

I don't think anyone would disagree with me when I say that this was an ugly, vicious game.  And that's a great thing indeed.  In short it was a the perfect pre-playoff, playoff game, and if there were ever any doubts about how the boys need to play once the real games start they should be pretty much erased now.  Bring that for sixteen games, and I might just get more excited about our prospects than I have any right to be.

Up Next:

Friday, on the road, in Buffalo.  Thanks to the Habs puking up a two goal lead with less than three minutes to go earlier tonight (thanks for that, asshats) the division title and the third seed that comes with it are pretty much toast.  That said, it's still a division game, and we still own their ass. (7:30pm, TSN and Petey MagSplooge in all of his screamiest glory with the coverage).

Behind Enemy Lines:

Let us once again renew and reaffirm our blog crush for Katebits and The Willful Caboose.  Though I've never met her, spoken to her, nor even seen a picture, I'm comfortable in my assertion that she is by far the funniest, most informed, knowledgeable and, dare I say, attractive hockey blogging viola player currently touring with the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra.  I enjoy her writing so much, I almost feel bad for pwning the Sabres the way we do.  Almost.

Go Sens.

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