So yeah.  Just what the hell was that??

As you probably don't recall (but bless you if you do), when the team was announced back in December, I fretted ever so eloquently over the yung'uns on the back end more than anything else.  How would they hold up under the crushing pressure of a home Olympics?  Would Brent Seabrook be able to handle an onrushing Ovechkin?  Who will dangle the car keys in front of Duncan Keith?

It never even occurred to me that Scott Niedermayer and Chris Pronger AND Martin Brodeur (MARTY BRODEUR!!) could shit the bed (okay, maybe Pronger...a wee bit), let alone all do it in the same game.

And yet, here we are.

So other than threaten death and dismemberment unless Bobby Lou starts from here on out, or crack each other's skulls open to feast upon the goo inside, how do we cope?  How are we to come to grips with, and adjust to, our new reality, a reality in which both Brian Burke and Ron Wilson may actually be sentient beings?

I'm glad you asked.

After spending most of the day combing the interwebs (all in the name of "research" your Majesty.  Ahem.  You understand, right?), I believe I'm now able to grossly generalize the thought processes of the entire Canadian populace and therefore, through the power of absolutely no analysis or logic whatsoever, can distill them into two main camps (Oh, piss off.  Dave Hodge does it all the time...and HE gets paid).

Camp #1: This superfluous game against Germany is just the thing to get the boys' confidence up, the chemistry going and set us up for the imminent destruction of all who lay in our path.  It's inevitable!  Gold medal!  WOOT!!11!!1!

These well meaning, if somewhat naive individuals can best be identified by their unshakable faith in Mike Babcock, Sidney Crosby face tats and proclivity to invade your personal space in order to give you "a nice big hug...for luck".  Conveniently overlooking the fact that a) no single line has been allowed to play together long enough to develop any chemistry with the exception of Heatly-Thornton-Marleau (and have fun with that come April Sharks fans), b) "chemistry" doesn't fix defensive brainfarts or goalies who think they're taking batting practice and c) two games in two nights may not be the best way to prepare for a powerhouse Russian team, most will also have a fluffy kitten secreted somewhere about their person.

Camp #2: Awwww, we fucking suck!  What a bunch of losers!  Crosby sucks!  The Sharks suck!  Babcock sucks!  Yzerman's a moron!  Americans suck!  Burn the place down!  Why are we even bothering?  It's over!  We're just going to lose the THE FUCKING RUSSIANS!!!!

You may have noticed one or two charter members of this group at your place of work earlier today.  They should be approached with extreme caution.  Not having prepared themselves beforehand for the possibility that Team Canada may in fact be composed of real live human beings rather than perfect automatons, their sunken eyes can now only see the world through a red film of anger and disappointment, wandering in morose confusion, colliding with walls, desks, cubicle walls and innocent passers by.  Forget about pointing out how stupidly good Ryan Miller was, or the two-to-one shot count.  No amount of reason will shake them from the depths of their despair. Or make them produce that year-end report you asked for a week ago...Fred.

So if you find yourself vacillating toward one or both of these groups (a somewhat uncomfortably schizophrenic if not impossible state of mind...trust me), I'd ask you to go down the Team Canada roster and add up the Cups, the gold medals, the awards and the general kick-assness of it all, and ask yourselves, as I do: Hey, how about beating Germany first and then we'll worry about the Russians?

And to be totally honest...fuck Germany, fuck Russia, fuck the U.S.of A., and anybody else who would shit on our parade.  One or done, starting tomorrow, regardless of how you got into this mess.

Game 7 for the next four.  That's where we are, so suck it up and deal.

Now go get it.

Comments (3)

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written by MO, February 23, 2010

Just to remind everyone in Salt Lake Canada got served by the swedes 5-2, scraped by a German team that got demolished in its other preliminary games 3-2 and tied the Czechs 3-3. That record of 1-1-1 is WORSE then their record now.

Now that the exhibition is over it is a whole new tournament and lets not count Canada out yet.

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written by Oman, February 23, 2010

Losing to the Americans may actually be worse than losing to the Leafs.

Give the kids more ice time Babo!

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