William Reusswig's Custer's Last Stand. Without permission courtesy: First People
There were times last night, while watching the Hawks continuously dance and whirl and dervish in the Sens' zone that I couldn't help but think of this painting.
The main difference, of course, is that the Chicago Blackhawks aren't a fearsome tribe fighting to the death to hold on to their most valuable territories in The Black Hills War, no matter what the voices in Dustin Byfuglien's head say.
And Custer didn't have Brian Elliott.
More historical inaccuracies after the jump.
The Highs:
Save of the year? Save of the year:
Ridonkulous.
Hey, I know you! You're...that guy! With the hair!: Remember those heady days in the summer of Aught Seven when the unwashed mob clamoured at the gates, demanding that The Bryan sign Brian Campbell, thereby turning a team that had been to the Finals a scant month before into a mortal lock for Big Ugly in 2008? And remember how crestfallen that same mob was after Young Master Campbell signed with Chicago for eleventy billion dollars? Well, Peter Regin remembers. And he's here to ease your pain. Note to Brian: When the cool kids speak of "pwning", that's what they mean.
And lo, it came to pass that many excruciating puns were begat: You may not remember this, but roughly a thousand years ago, there was some serious talk of Zack Smith making the big club out of training camp. A wicked wrister for his first goal (a shortie no less), followed by turning Christobal Huet into a flopping ball of fail for his second, along with the gut busting effort all over the ice begs the question WHY THE FUCK HASN'T HE BEEN HERE SINCE OCTOBER?!?! CiCi, I'm looking at you. Milan is back tomorrow night. Send the boy back to Bingo and feel my wrath. Also, the next lazy arse to write, utter, or intimate the phrase "Zack Attack" anywhere within earshot gets a free punch in the face.
I know what I hate. And for once, you weren't it: It may be hard to believe Erik, but I've been taking it easy on you. No, really. I'm fully aware that you're a rookie, a kid, and a midget, with all of the bladder control issues that entails. As such, I've gone to great pains to only call you out on your most egregious of nerve induced fuck ups. But last night, you offered this jaded soul the first glimpse of the confident, gifted offensive defenceman everyone else swears you will eventually become. So congratulations. You've now fallen below Karel Rachunek on my list of Dumb Ass Ottawa Draft Picks. Look out, Mathieu Chouinard! You're next!
The Lows:
You, on the other hand...: As long as I live, I will never understand how some people can continue to maintain, with a straight face, that Filip Kuba is an asset to this team. Had he done his job, or at the very least, turned his fucking head, Hossa would never have been in a position to star in the Brian Elliott Highlight Reel of All Time Saves By A Senators Goalie. Oh, and then there was his patented Fall Down At The Blueline move to spring Hossa on the short handed break that gave the Hawks their only goal. And did I mention the screaming wrister he put on net from about six inches forcing the goalie into making a remarkable reaction save? Did I further mention that this brilliant shot CAME AGAINST HIS OWN FUCKING GOALTENDER IN A TWO GOAL GAME?!?! Fuck you, Filip. Fuck you right in the ear.
They're not booing. They're saying "I'm a clueless moron": The man signed a deal to stay here. The man signed a deal to stay here and was traded to Atlanta three hours later. To the idiotic leathernecks booing Marian Hossa, please to be explaining your hostility, because I don't get it. Most vertebrate Sens fan, if they're gifted with any kind of hindsight or common sense, would give various internal organs to have Hoss locked into a condom jersey for twelve years. Except you guys. So, please, feel free to elaborate. Were you dropped on your heads as children, or was stupidity just a talent you picked up as you grew older?
Pithy Observation of Questionable Importance:
How is it that a referee in the National Football League can press the magic button on his Bat Belt and present to the huddled masses a coherent, thorough reason as to why, exactly, the last play is under video review and subsequently quote the rulebook in order to explain why the call in question was either upheld or overturned in half the time it takes an NHL referee to don their Cold War era headphones, receive a coded message from the Toronto War Room and mutter "good goal" into the microphone as a befuddled arena looks on, clueless as to why the little man with orange strips on his sleeves is talking into his hand in the first place? Why is that? The enquiring mind of Chris Neil wants to know.
The Creamy Middle:
Had you asked me before hand how this game was going to go, I'd have said the Sens would get murdered. And if it hadn't been for Brian Elliott and a balls-to-the-wall effort on the part of the forecheck (something that will have to continue if we're to get into the Big Dance), I'd have been right. So now, here we sit with a four game win streak, following hard on the heals of a five game losing skid, wondering what the hell it all means. Maybe Carina was right. Maybe it is because Alfie is a sexy biotch. I haven't a clue. But I have to admit, I'm enjoying the ride. Wait, what?
Up Next:
Fresh off their OT win against the Mighty Mice of Montreal, the St. Louis Blues come marching into the Bank tomorrow night. Let us gird ourselves for the inevitable implosion as the boys pull the usual and play to the level of the opposition. That should be fun! On the upside, we don't have any Team Canada members at whom Dave Backes can take chicken shit runs. (7:00pm, SportsNet East with the local).
Behind Enemy Lines:
St. Louis Gametime. I've been reading these guys for years now (SLC Approved!), and while their sax playing may need a little work, they know their shit. And they always bring the funny.
Go Sens.
*Ed. Note: Yes, I am perfectly aware that Black Hawk had nothing at all to do with The Battle at Little Bighorn. Work with me here, people.
Comments (7)
... written by Dutch Treat,
January 21, 2010
I'm more impressed that you didn't go with the much easier "Black Hawk Down" reference...
+0
... written by G,
January 21, 2010
I think you got your timeline wrong on the Brian Campbell thing. People were clamoring for him to be signed in the summer of '08, not '07. In the summer of '07, we still had Wade for another season, and falsely assumed he'd be good.
+0
I love this blog written by MasterOfPuppets,
January 21, 2010
Ironically I recently watched the documentary on Black Hawk Down and that didn't occur to me either. Brian Campbell was pretty close to being a Sen (a friend with a buddy in the Blackhawks organization told me - Murray had offered something like 30M over 5 max and it was almost done but then the Hawks swooped in with their 'Eleventy billion' offer and stole the show. and even if this was public news at the time, I can't recall nor do I care to look it up - this friend has some NHL buddies so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt) Even 6M per is high but I'm glad as hell it didn't happen.
Although Campbell would probably improve this team (D corps) - if you could swap him for Kuba at a 5M salary would you?
50 point D men are pretty scarce.
Awesome blog SLC as always. I'm cleaning coffee out of my keyboard right now ...
@MOP: Teach my dog how to skate backward while holding a stick in his teeth and I'd trade Kuba for him.
And sorry about the keyboard. Unless it belonged to your employer that is. Then no, no I'm not.
+0
... written by CJL,
January 21, 2010
nice blog slc. always an entertaining read. look into getting an iphone app like nichols. dont know if it costs you anything to do that but it would be a good idea. completely agree with you about people booing hossa. having said that, i booed him once or twice. why? gin, 24oz canadians, envy, and utter disbelief at how the game was unfolding. plus i was at both bruins games and its fucking annoying watching superstar former sens, who should still be playing here, come back playing for someone else (would never boo chara). it would be a lot easier if theyd march muckler out pregame a few times a year so we could throw rolls of quarters at him but whatever. if i wasnt shitcanned i wouldnt have booed him but whatever i still love the guy. felt kinda ashamed in the morning like i woke up next to a heavyset girl. i really just wanted to yell "EAT SHIT CHICAGO" and "FUCK YOU 20 CENT" but sbp ushers frown upon that and i planned on watching the game in its entirety.
+0
Most of My Favorite NHLers are Ex-Senators written by freewillig,
January 23, 2010
Hossa, Chara, Havlat, Hnidy....(just wanted to make sure you were paying attention)
I think my next NHL related goal is to have a Senators jersey for all the ex-Senators in the league. Vinny Prospal anyone??
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The Bloguin Network allows advertisers to promote their products and services to our ever-growing number of visitors. We offer both site-specific ad placements as well as the ability to run a network-wide campaign. If you're interested in working with Bloguin to meet your advertising needs, please contact us.
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