|
CUT CUT CUT!!
Hold on just a goddamned minute! Just what in hell is going on around here? Can't you guys read a script?!?!
*furiously flipping through pages*
I'm quite sure I saw it in here somewhere...let's see...
*flipflipflip*
SheanDon hurt...Snoopy hurt...Neiler hurt...okay...
*flipflipflipetyflip*
...Kovy goes to bed...Kuba struck by meteor...hmmm...FX guys must have missed that one...
*flippityflipflipflap*
...Elliott shits the bed...huh, at least they got that one right...Burke molests a goat...
*flipflipflipflip*
Episcopalian...
*flipflipfllllllllllllllip*
Ah! Here it is!
"After losing both their first line centre and heart and soul plugger to bring the number of starters not playing to five, our intrepid heroes give up all hope and excuse themselves from the next 20 games in order to come to grips with their place at the bottom of the hockey universe and craft replicas of Fish's extremely hot hottie of hotness out of hockey tape and navel lint."
And then you go and shut out the division leaders. Nice. One more for the blooper reel!
Jump for the early reviews.
The Highs:
I'm funny how? Like a clown? I'm here to amuse you?: Actually Brian, yes. Yes you are. A day after I throw you under the bus for sucking the tail pipe against the leafs, you pitch the shut out. Granted, the shot count wasn't very impressive, but you more than made up for that with stupidly spectacular saves late. I find that amusing.
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist: I'm not sure at which point Big Rig said to himself "Fuck it, I'm makin' a run at the Norris", but hol-ee sheeeit, is it fun to watch. Won't happen, but still...your three (uncredited) shots, one goal post, the now expected hermetically sealed crease and one burst-a-spleen effort to get back and blow up a Sabre breakaway were noticed by everyone who matters. Namely, me. AMIRITE people?!?
I want you to breathe through your eyelids, like the Lava Lizards of the Galapagos Islands: Dear Carrie. Should my man Fish do you the honour of asking for your hand over Christmas (SQUEEEE!!! Jump around!), please do us a favour and set an off-season wedding date. We'll need that pent-up sexual energy for the playoffs. KTHXBAI!
The Singular Low:
You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?'. Well, do ya punk?: So, yeah...hey Roto. Setting aside the fact that Patrick Kaletta is an infuriating asshole of the highest order and seeing him crumple to the ice gladdened my heart in a cosmic Karma-is-a-bitch kind of way, did it not ONCE cross your mind that with 30% of our starting forwards watching from the infirmary, losing you for what should have been a two game suspension (at a minimum) might be a little, oh I don't know...FUCKING STUPID?!?!? We're lucky you got away with just a fine. Next time, slew foot the bastard. The refs hardly ever catch those. Just ask Mike Grier.
Pithy Observations of Questionable Importance:
Get out of my way son, you're usin' my oxygen: I have to admit, the first time I heard those dulcet tones emanating from the MSG feed, I thought to myself "Holy crap! Harry Neale is still alive?!?" Then I wondered why he was no longer doing HNIC telecasts. Then he said "The Sabres have a very busy schedule, as most teams do in February". Then I thought "Oh, that's why."
I ain't Captain Walker. I'm the guy who carries Mr. Dead in his pocket: I've always told myself that if I'm ever fortunate enough to own a hockey team at any level, I'd immediately do the following: 1) Change the team colours to black. Just black. 2) take out the glass and dome the entire ice surface with chicken wire, floor to ceiling. 3) Hire two or three thousand unemployed actors to dress up in Oakland Raider Wack-Job Fan style costumes, equip them with torches and flares and have them hang at various points on my chicken wire dome, howling like pathological banshees. 4) Watch opposing teams pee themselves in terror while we rack up an undefeated home record. For some odd reason, this fantasy always comes to me whenever I watch a game from SBP and it's quiet enough to hear somebody unwrap their hot dog.
Creamy Middle:
So that was...unexpected. Not unwelcome, just unexpected. I've decided that I'm going to see how they do over the next six or seven weeks before I completely lose my shit (Ed.: HAR!). And apropos of nothing, how you feelin' Pascal...and Chris...and Shean? Any chance we'll be seeing you soon?
Up Next:
Tomorrow night, it's on to the serene boulevards of downtown Newark for a somnolent date with the New Jersey Devils in the first of a back-to-back. 10 games in 18 days, with 7 more before the big ball drops on New Year's Eve. Jesus. December is killing my sex life (7:00pm, SportsNet East for the local).
Behind Enemy Lines:
Pookie and Schnookie. Two of the best. Ever. That's all you need to know.
Go Sens.
 |
Bloguin is the revolutionary blog network specifically focused on helping bloggers get the most out of their websites. We're currently working on building a large network of online communities and hope to expand our blogging coverage to include a wide range of topics. 
The Bloguin Network allows advertisers to promote their products and services to our ever-growing number of visitors. We offer both site-specific ad placements as well as the ability to run a network-wide campaign. If you're interested in working with Bloguin to meet your advertising needs, please contact us.
The Bloguin Network is always looking to expand. We're specifically looking for blogs in the sports, entertainment, and video games field, but are open to adding any type of quality site. If you're a blogger and interested in joining our network, please fill out our application form.
The Bloguin Login gives you full access to everything our network has to offer. Your name and password will work for each and every one of our sites. Signing up is simple, and will allow you to post in all our forums, create member blogs, and access other cool features! What are you waiting for? Create an Account! 
Kudos to Elliott Moose on the loose for his play lately. Keeping opponents to 1 or 2 goals is the key to staying afloat.
Be nice if one of these point a game AHLers could come up and actually produce even at a half point per game pace. Where the fuck is our Rich Peverley or Matt Moulson (etc)? Could his name be Denis Hamel or Martin St. Pierre?
If Hennessy shits the bed like Keller, the other two should be given a shot to shit it as well. Hell one of 4 (Bingo studs) gotta be able to find the NHL net - its the same friggin size. Isn't it?