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Mike Fisher Needs To Wear The Maple Leaf (No, Not THAT One Stupid) E-mail
Written by SLC   
Monday, 30 November 2009 22:50

The internets are a powerful force.  They are also very very dangerous.  When harnessed to the Power of the White, they bring delights of hitherto unimaginable magnificence (who knew Little People were so bendy?!?).  On the flip side, when used for evil they produce Eklund, or worse, this guy.

So it is with some trepidation that I venture into the belly of the Beast, ever mindful of those sage words once uttered to me by some dude wearing pyjamas while hanging from the ceiling: With great power, comes great responsibility.  Then he said "See ya!  I gotta go bang Kirsten Dunst" and jumped out the window.  Then again, that may have happened only in my head.  Either way, thanks...jerk.

But I digress.

I want Mike Fisher on the Canadian Olympic team.  And I want you to help me get him there.

On Saturday, the Ottawa Citizen ran a column by senior hockey scribe (and noted Doucheldorf apologist) Wayne Scanlan in which he offered up his first cut at Canada's Olympic roster (note to our bewildered American readers: the roster will be officially announced on New Year's Eve before a breathless, and most probably drunken populace and roughly eleventy billion media people, live, on every available network, coast-to-coast.  Between now and then, the composition of the Canadian Olympic Men's Hockey Team will be the single most important issue across the entire country.  See what happens when you don't have to worry about health care?  Think about it...).

After rolling out a group of forwards that included Corey Perry, Patrick Sharp and Steven Stamkos, he ended the list thusly:

(In the mix: Jonathan Toews, Mike Fisher, Shane Doan, Ryan Smyth, Martin St. Louis)

With all due respect to Wayne (and that's precious little, by-the-by), My Man Fish deserves to be on the team ahead of any and all those mentioned above.  Here are a few reasons why:

  • Fish has more goals than both Jeff Carter and Ryan Smith, including four (FOUR!) game winners in 22 games.

  • Ryan Smith is 312 years old, and without Anze Kopitar, would be driving both L.A. Kings fans batshit crazy.

  • Steven Stamkos is not 312 years old.  Sure, his 29 points on a shitty team may look sexy, but it's a long, LONG way from ripping it up against the Panthers and Islanders in an indifferent market (to put it kindly) to playing the best of the best in your own country with 30 million people dissecting your every move.  That kind of pressure can crack grown men in half, let alone somebody younger than my paper boy.  You'll get your chance Steven.  Just not this year.

  • Shane Doan.  38th in league scoring on a surprisingly successful Hamilton Kansas City Phoenix team.  Not to say I wouldn't want him in a Sens uniform following the inevitable dispersal draft...but still.  38th.

  • Jonathan Toews has spent the last month trying to remember how to tie his own skates.

  • Mike Fisher, while a natural centre, will play anywhere and everywhere you ask.  In fact, his most successful games this season have come from the wing.  Stamkos and Richards?  Not so much.

  • Small ice.  I'm not sure who we had to bribe at the IOC (my guess? Every single one of them) but not having to play on Euro ice gives Fish the upper hand on just about everybody.  Nobody, and I mean nobody, forechecks with the tenacity and mindless disregard for his own safety like he does.  Seriously, the man is a relentless killbot.  Heatley couldn't find a corner with a map and Pierre Maguire's dick.

So there you are Canuckleheads.  Just some of my reasons why Mike Fisher needs to play in the Olympics.  Feel free to add your own, bearing in mind that if you disagree with me, you're obviously a pinko commie bastard who should be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion (I keed...I keed.  I accept all viewpoints here.  No matter how wrong).

How can you help make this happen?  Spread the word.  Tell your friends.  Coerce your family.  Tell Hockey Canada.  Anything.  Whatever works.  Mike Fisher, Olympian, must happen, if for no other reason than the fact that, as far as good luck charms go, this beats the living shit out of a Loonie buried at centre ice:

Your move, Corey.

Comments (19)Add Comment
...
written by GelatinousMutantCoconut, December 01, 2009
Ryan Smyth deserves to be on this team. Not that Fisher doesn't, but Captain Canada was having a career season. Was this due to Kopitar? Possibly. But you could also say that Kopitar's emergence is due to Smyth. Kopitar's production has slipped somewhat as of late, and it just so happens that Smyth has been out during that same period. Plus, he's an Olympic veteran, and has won gold.

Now, Fisher is hot right now, and has been very clutch. I would certainly include him on my team right now, ahead of some of the other bubble players (St Louis, Morrow, Toews, Sharp).












...
written by Steve HL, December 01, 2009
Going to take a different tack.
I want as few Ottawa Senators on Olympic rosters as possible.
My wish is for a deep playoff run. Take the two weeks off to rest the bones and get ready for a long grind going into May or June.
Stanley Cup over Gold, any day of the week.
Whoa
written by SLC, December 01, 2009
Ordinarily, I'd be tempted to agree with you Steve, but I think I have a better chance of bedding the comely lass pictured above than the Sens do of winning a Cup this year. I have a better D.

...
written by Exx, December 01, 2009
I listened to at least two interviews around the time of the the 1st camp in which Stevie Y was talking about "two way guys" and "solid / energy guys" as being the "type of players" that he was most interested on having on his team.

We shall see. It's was either
1) a talking point designed to warn the Heatley / Thornton / Spezza types among Canada's hopefuls [or, more accurately, feeling-entitled-fuls]
or
2) the truth

If he has seen Fisher play at least three random games each year, then he should be on the team.

I just hope Y knows more about Fish than CBC/TSN/SNET. You know. . . the pre-game guys who have, every year mind you, brought up Fishers point production with reference to his contract/former numbers/place on depth chart etc. And then, during the intermission or even the PbP guys will make a comment about Fish having a good game or looking like a force. Yeah. That's him doing what he does, man. Turn off the Leaf games once in a while and pretend you're watching as a fan of the Sens. It won't take more than 3 games for your very own man-crush to develop, assuming you have watched a vast and varied amount hockey in your lifetime.


On an unrelated note, now that I have had to watch Kuba/Picard/Lee for a while, my respect for the Big Rig and is reaching early-Alfie-like proportions. Volch is obviously not far behind.
X.

Oh and as for the Cup? Don't forget SLC . . . Gerber is gone. This cannot be understated.

A team can win in spite of some dead weight (Kovalev/Kuba/Picard). It'd be a pretty tall task though - they'd have to either lose Picard or he'd have to learn how to clear the crease and pass and shoot. So yeah. But Clouston has been playing him and Kovy so much that I just don't get it anymore. He sees something I do not. /exacerbated
Tell me where to sign.
written by Fisher For Jebus, December 01, 2009
I'm in agreement with SLC. Fisher needs to be on the squad for Van 2010.

Don't get me wrong, I love the Sens. For the Sens, I am prepared to pay $20 for the privilege of waiting 2 hours to vacate the parking lot at the Bank. I am prepared to wear my Sens jersey in hostile territory (Buffalo fans are by far the most ignorant of the 4 enemy barns I've worn the Trojan logo in). I am prepared to pay ludicrous sums of money for the Centre Ice package because MotherCorp sees fit to broadcast Panthers/Coyotes instead of the Sens - even when the Laffs aren't playing.

But I would die for Canada. As a matter of loyalty, I am not prepared to deprive our country of its God-given right to ice its best players on the world stage. You've gotta choose national pride over regional. Unless you're from Quebec (seriously, does anyone ever bring a Saskatchewan flag to the opening ceremonies?).

Having said that, losing Fish for the season to an ACL tear suffered in the Olympics would be devastating.

P.S. Ethical dilemma: does Carrie cheer for Canada or the US in the Olympics if Fisher makes the team?
...
written by SLC, December 01, 2009
@Exx:
I just hope Y knows more about Fish than CBC/TSN/SNET.


That's the beauty of it. There's enough firepower on that team that Stevie could care less about Fish's point production. Mashing opposing D-men into paste on the fourth line forecheck (hello Mister Gonchar)? THAT's what Fish will bring. Every. Single. Fucking. Shift. Our mission is to spread that gospel. And as for the Cup? Your optimism makes you a better person than I, friend.

@Fisher for Jebus: I'm sure Carrie will do what she's always done. Namely, exactly what her publicist tells her to. Oddly enough, I can forgive her for that. Blame it on the legs.
...
written by ODurkin, December 08, 2009
Likely the one and only time I will agree with you. Fisher is the only Canadian Ottawa Senator who qualifies for consideration. Ironically, he's the one Senator that would qualify to wear the other Maple Leaf as well. Hey do ya think your man AK27 makes the Russian team? And if so, where does he fit in? Taxi squad?
...
written by SLC, December 09, 2009
@Owen: If Team Russia has been paying any attention at all, they'll lose his number and screen his calls.

Which means, of course, they'll put him on the team on a line with Malkin, he'll score forty-six goals in 10 games, win the gold, the MVP and bed Rogge's wife AND mistresses. Upon his triumphant return to Ottawa, he'll give us more of the shit we saw last night.
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