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 Wayne Cuddington, Ottawa Citizen
Fun with captions: "I bent my wookie"
Now you try. See? Fun for the whole family!
Once more into the jump, good friends.
The Highs:
I could have been equipment manager, but nooooo!: So THAT's what it feels like to have a goalie who can steal one for you in the third...kind of like curling up with a good scotch in a pillow fort. Uhhhh...if you're into that kind of thing.
Ohmygodohmygod...they are like, so TOTALLY going steady! SQUEEEEE!!!: The night before My Boy Mike's favourite vestal virgin pops up on national tee-vee to profess her intense like for him, Fish scores two (including the winner) to give him nine on the season. For those of you scoring at home, he is now just four goals away from eclipsing his total for all of last season. Any chance we can get Kovy's wife on Ellen to admit how she finds producing a pulse incredibly arousing?
Hack the bone! HACK THE BONE!: There was much talk before the game as to how bland the rivalry had become. How it had cooled. How it was but a shadow of its former blood feudy self. For the record, the fight card read thusly: Winchester vs. Finger (Winch by decision), Neiler vs. Schenn (Neil by TKO), Hammer vs. Orr (Orr by TKO) and Roto vs. Mitchel (Draw). And to think, for all those years, all we had to look forward to was pounding Darcy Fucking Tucker into a pasty goo.
The Lows:
The only thing a prevent defence does is prevent you from winning: If Torts has taught us anything (and he hasn't), it's that SAFE IS DEATH! Four shots in the third period of a one goal game. Four. Three things to consider should a similar situation ever come about again: A) You aren't the Devils. On the off chance you haven't noticed, gentlemen, the defence (or at least the bottom half) sucks the jungle juice off giant monkey balls. B) Snoopy saved your collective asses from the baying hordes and their pitchforky fury. And C), two words: Vesa. Toskala. Don't ever let me see that shit again.
Time to put your Big Boy pants on Lukey: Clearly his fellow leafs consider Luke Schenn, if not a defenceless babe, then at the very least a twelve year old girl in need of constant protection. How else to explain the embarrassing overreactions of Finger, Mitchel, Orr, et. al., every time Golden Boy's ass hit the ice, no matter how clean the hit? No wonder Ronnie kept him away from the ice (not to mention most sharp objects) for most of the third period. He couldn't risk another dumbass instigator penalty.
Pithy Observations of Questionable Importance:
You're welcome, Ron: Halfway through the third period, Giggles went to the bench and swapped his game stick. I thought it was rather nice of Jason to spare Wilson the embarrassment of calling for another stick measurement only to have it blow up in his face again, don't you?
Speaking of Ron:
Asked yesterday by an Ottawa reporter if he had yet put his stamp on the Toronto team, Wilson said not yet. "I don't want to be known as a loser," Wilson said. "And so far we've lost a lot more games than we've won." -- Ottawa Sun
I'll just let that hang there for the amusement of casual passers by.
The Creamy Middle:
Don't get me wrong, any win against toronto tastes as would the beads of sweat 'twixt a virgins bosom. But there were too many things in this one, mostly to do with that execrable defence, that only serves to remind us that this team has a long way to go before it can be considered a serious threat to make any noise at all come May. Or even see May for that matter.
Up Next:
The defending Stanley Cup champ Pittsburgh Penguins (GAWD how it still pains me to type that) come into The Bank to school us on what a real hockey team looks like. Feel free to compare and contrast with what we saw last night. Hint: It probably won't as be pretty. (7:30pm, TSN2 with the crappy American simulcast).
Behind Enemy Lines:
The Pensblog. Enter at your own risk. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Go Sens.
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Great blog. Two questions,
1. Do you think Carkner can go 10 rounds with Orr? That was a rock'em sock'em, not a fight, they just smashed eachother and one guy got a punch that stunned the other (not long at all mind you Carkner was back up and fine in seconds),
2. Or do we need to go get another big guy who can afford to fight and be removed from the game...say a certain 6 foot 7 monster who breaks faces, already wears red, and who unless resigned is trade bait or a UFA this season.
I think getting him and signing him to a multi year deal to take Donovans spot on the 4th line would give this team an element it sorely lacks. Carkner is one tough S.O.B, but unlike Orr he actually can PLAY hockey and we need him to NOT be removed from the game.