We've replaced Kerry's Helmet Hair with an actual helmet. Let's see if he notices.
15.1 Calling A Penalty - Should an infraction of the rules...be committed by a player or goalkeeper of the team not in possession of the puck, the Referee shall raise his arm to signal the delayed calling of a penalty. When the team to be penalizedgains control of the puck, the Referee will blow his whistle to stop play and impose the penalty on the offending player or goalkeeper. -- It's in the freaking rules!
Not to split too many semantic hairs (HAR!) Kerry, but I'm rather certain that "control" implies physical contact of some sort. Then again, what do I know? I'm not the one with the bullet proof head.
Creamy Middle. Jump around.
The Highs:
Ooh, ooh! Mister Yzerman! Look at me! LOOK AT ME!: The winning goal (FINALLY!), two assists, sick, physics defying passes and now that I think about it, not a single dumbass turnover. It would seem that all it took to finally light Giggles' ass fire was a little confidence, a lanced Heater, and a $1.5 billion dollar, 14 day bacchanalian monument to hypocrisy. Who knew?
Our Captain. Who art in crease-dom. Hallowed be thy name. And so on and so forth: I don't think I'm overstating things when I say that Alfie is a man possessed. Sure his 2 points to extend his streak to 8 games were nice (ho-hum), but what really sets my heart a-flutter is the maniacal forecheck and the two-gears-quicker-than-everybody-else puck pursuit. The last time we saw that kind of crazy-ass leadership out of The Captain? The 2007 playoffs. And if memory serves, that turned out okay.
The beatings will continue until morale improves: Even after A-Train's rather emphatic lesson, Victor Hedman continues to insist he's a real NHL player. Honestly, you'd think that, by now, he would have learned otherwise:
Ow. My pants.
The Lows:
Okay, so maybe it was a fluke: Cheech, I have gone to great lengths and taken great pains to avoid criticizing you so early in your tenure here. Believe me, it hasn't been easy. But by virtue of Coach CiCi shipping your sorry ass to the fourth line not ten minutes in, I now feel free to say what I've been thinking for the last two weeks. You're a pathetic mess and should be traded/demoted/cut at the earliest opportunity. Failing that, how about a good flogging? Why am I being so cruel? Two bush league giveaways into the slot from your own blue line on the same play (the reason for your demotion, in case you missed the point), you skate like a fucking crippled barge, and you're too chicken shit to go to the nasty places in front of the net, to name but three. Consider your grace period expired.
Oh great. Now the Liberals are running the bench: Hey coach. Any chance you'd care to explain why the fourth line was on the ice for the last forty seconds of regulation in a tie game? On the off chance that you haven't been informed, affirmative action does not apply to professional hockey teams.
We're so awesome, we scored the winner three times!: Okay Kerry. I'll give you the no-goal on K-Rok's high stick. That one was obvious. Hell, I'll even overlook the smug, self-satisfied smirk that usually sends me into an apoplectic fit. But the Lightning player never touched the puck, dude. HOLY SHIT FUCK, HE NEVER TOUCHED IT! And now, thanks to your premature exhalation, Tampa has a point they otherwise shouldn't have received. I swear by all that is holy, Kerry, if we lose the playoffs to Tampa by a single point come April, I will hunt you down, beat you about the head and neck with a sack of doorknobs and drop you on the corner of Younge and Bloor to face the Leaf Nation of the Perpetually Pissed. And Wayne Gretzky's high stick won't be there to save your sorry ass this time.
Pithy Observations of Questionable Importance:
On behalf of all Canadians possessed of functional ear drums, I would like to respectfully request a moratorium on any and all hockey broadcasts originating from the state of Florida. FoxSports Panthers was bad enough with their continuous references to "Steamy Miami", the "Great White North". Last night, we were treated to the abortion known as "SunLightning", whatever the fuck that is, and their three man booth. And if you think that three guys whose only job is to watch the fucking game would be enough to notice that halfway through the first Little Nicky took a hooking penalty, thus negating a Senators power play and resulting in a 4-on-4, you would be WRONG! Instead, we had to endure a delightful circle jerk on the awesomness that is Steven "Stammer" (Stammer?? Really? Jesus wept...) Stamkos. For the entire 4-on-4, which as of this writing, has yet to be acknowledged.. My television barely survived the experience. You want to know why hockey falls below Jai Alai but slightly ahead of televised elephant fucking in the minds of your average Floridian? It's because their t.v. guys are congenital idiots. That's why.
Speaking of Boob Tube inflicted lobotomies...I am begging, BEGGING, ScotiaBank to please stop running their ad featuring the moronic (not to mention rather creepy) dipshit and his mustachioed "son" crammed into a stroller looking to deprive innocent children of their "ScotiaBank NHL Savings Tin". "Is there an ISSUE...Father Papa?" Yeah, there is, you pedophilic freak! You pollute my television 87 times during every game! For Christ's sake, just go away! And do you know what else?? YOU HAVEN'T BEEN SHIVVED IN THE SHOWER YET, YOU FUCKING PERVERT! Also, an ISSUE. Father Papa.
The Creamy Middle:
I have a dream. I have a dream that someday we'll stop giving away points to teams we need to keep behind us if we're going to make the playoffs. I have a dream that we will no longer get screwed by hopelessly incompetent officials, thus making the first dream infinitely easier to attain. And I have a dream that Steve Downie is fed into a wood chipper feet first. I like that one most of all.
Up Next:
Tomorrow night, New Jersey, at the Bank. Again. I honestly can't remember this many home games to start a season. Which, of course, should make those interminable second half road trips just that much more fun to watch. And hey! When did the Devils get good again? (7:00pm, CBC)
Behind Enemy Lines:
Say hello to fellow Bloguineer, Darren and his ode, Running With The Devils. Anyone who can pen an entire post about Lou Lamoriello without once using the words "old", "decrepit", "insane" or "Golem" deserves our attention and praise.
Go Sens.
Comments (3)
... written by CJL,
November 06, 2009
in the commercial i think he says "papa" not "father". that is all. i enjoy the blog. not usually a lot of comments but that also means its not polluted by canuknik. i say win.
Damn, CJL, you're right! I guess those DYI hypnosis tapes worked after all. I'm off to fix it, as soon as I stop believing I'm a chicken.
Canuknik has his own place now, so I guess that's a win all around.
Thanks for stopping in, and for the kind words.
+0
... written by Greg C,
November 09, 2009
Sadly.. i liked the lightning broadcast/ panthers broadcasts a hell of a lot more then anything Pierre McGuire has ever done covering our team, I think Pierre's man love for Stamkos was even more evident then the Floridian broadcastors...
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Bloguin is the revolutionary blog network specifically focused on helping bloggers get the most out of their websites. We're currently working on building a large network of online communities and hope to expand our blogging coverage to include a wide range of topics. 
The Bloguin Network allows advertisers to promote their products and services to our ever-growing number of visitors. We offer both site-specific ad placements as well as the ability to run a network-wide campaign. If you're interested in working with Bloguin to meet your advertising needs, please contact us.
The Bloguin Network is always looking to expand. We're specifically looking for blogs in the sports, entertainment, and video games field, but are open to adding any type of quality site. If you're a blogger and interested in joining our network, please fill out our application form.
The Bloguin Login gives you full access to everything our network has to offer. Your name and password will work for each and every one of our sites. Signing up is simple, and will allow you to post in all our forums, create member blogs, and access other cool features! What are you waiting for? Create an Account! 