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Steve Downie To Spend The Next Two Years Quietly Wetting Himself E-mail
Written by SLC   
Tuesday, 20 October 2009 19:26

In other pant tenting news, The Bryan rewards Matt Carkner with a two-year, $1.4M, one way contract for the simple act of becoming an Ottawa folk hero in a scant seven games.

Some might argue that lavishing such riches upon a soon-to-be 29 year old career AHL journeyman on the strength of a seven game audition is the act of an utter lunatic and only serves as further proof that Bryan Murray has, in fact, lost his mind and should henceforth be isolated and studied so as to determine what nutrients may be extracted for our personal use.  At the risk of editorializing, such people are obviously terroristic communist puppy murderers and should be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion.

As everything is relative, I'd ask the puppy killers to look around.  After A-Train and Big Rig, who do we have on the blueline to worry the opposition (and I mean "worry" in a "holy shit this is going to hurt" kind of way)?  Picard?  He hasn't hit anyone since Little Suzie stole his pudding cup in the third grade.  Karlsson?  (Ed.: Stop!  Musn't say anything negative lest we offend tender rookie sensibilities).  Campoli?  Too small and it's not his job.  Kuba?  Yargh...  Nope, Hammer (may I call you Hammer?  Yes?  Excellent!) is all we got.  He stays home, does his job and brings the pain when he can or has to.  Basically, The Emperor just bought himself the guy we always wished Schubert would be but never became, and at a $200K discount to boot.

But then, what do I know?  I'm just a fan.  I'd have given him seven hundred large for this alone:

Comments (3)Add Comment
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written by Sacul, October 21, 2009
What an awesome take. Written with humour and zip. No rose-coloured glasses but no blinders either. Always entertaining to read a well-written, objective blog. Just bookmarked it!
Indeed.....
written by Michael Fisher Portnoy III, October 21, 2009
YEAH! FUNNY!
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written by neil danz, October 21, 2009
Carkner fills many needs, a solid 6th dman, a gritty dman past Phillip Volchenkov, leadership, workethic, good attitude, a heavy weight enforcer.

Next year with Cowen up here, Carkner might have to switch to 4th line right wing. I said may, thats not for certain, but he will be up here. Which is great to see.

Note in this video: Mezaros is holding onto Neil probably saying "well im not gonna lose any sleep over this."

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